I know – sometimes you feel like a slave. Here’s why

I hear it frequently and I feel it too. ‘Whatever I do it is never enough’. Sometimes you feel resentful and under-appreciated. You are rarely thanked and on occasion it feels as though you can’t stop because, if you did, the whole family would grind to a halt!

How do I know this? A) because I am a mum like you and B) nearly all my clients have the Pleaser Saboteur in their top 3 Saboteurs.

The Saboteurs are the voices in your head that generate negative emotions in the way you handle life’s everyday challenges. They represent automatic patterns in your mind for how to think, feel and respond. They cause all of your stress, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, restlessness and unhappiness. They sabotage your performance, wellbeing and relationships.

Those with the Pleaser Saboteur indirectly try to gain acceptance and affection by helping, pleasing, rescuing or flattering others. They often lose sight of their own needs and become resentful as a result. The Pleaser Saboteur voices can be extremely harsh and destructive and often contributes to overwhelm as you try to meet everyone’s needs.

Those with a high Pleaser Saboteur make great friends. They are loyal and enjoy nurturing others. They are thoughtful and kind and have empathy for those around them. They are tuned in to others’ feelings and needs. It brings them pleasure to give of themselves. However, this often comes at a cost.

You may have developed a strong Pleaser Saboteur from your childhood or culture where you were taught always to put the needs of others before yourself. You may also think you need to do things to make others love you and agree with the phrase “If I don’t rescue people, who will?.” You may feel that expressing your own needs is selfish and that if you insist on your needs being met, it might drive people away.

The good news is – you can learn to quieten your Saboteurs.

Sarah says: “I realised that my Pleaser Saboteur struggled to say ‘no’, both personally and professionally. This meant I was frequently over-committed, frustrated and resentful. The Positive Mental Fitness Bootcamp helped me to recognise the voice of my Pleaser Saboteur and enabled me to consider my response before saying ‘yes’ to demands. This transformed how I felt and reduced the overwhelm considerably.”

The Saboteurs are like muscles in your brain. The more frequently you use them, the stronger they become. In contrast to the Saboteurs you also have the Sage part of your brain. This is where all your wisdom is stored. In time you can learn to weaken your Saboteur muscles and strengthen your Sage muscles.

I am passionate about sharing the impact of Positive Intelligence. If you’re interested, do take the free Saboteur Assessment here to discover the most common ways you self-sabotage. (It takes about 4 minutes to complete) and drop me an email to find out more about the Mental Fitness Bootcamp I am running in February.

Best regards

Jackie

Ways to work with me:

Positive Mental Fitness Program – 6 weekly videos and 30 min Pod group meetings via Zoom.

Do you find yourself lacking patience, snapping at your kids, over-reacting when the sh1t hits the fan, not finding any time for yourself? If so, consider exploring the 6 week Positive Mental Fitness Bootcamp. The next course starts after the February half-term. Click here for more information.

The Mum Boardroom – monthly or bi-monthly group coaching sessions via Zoom (or face to face in Oxfordshire)

1:1 life coaching sessions – 6 x 1 hour sessions via Zoom (or face to face in Oxfordshire)