“You’re a real action taker Jackie” she said…but little did she know….

This is what one of my mentors said to me recently. “You’re a real action taker, Jackie”. I’d been working with her for a few weeks and I was ‘on fire’! When I am enjoying something I am un-stoppable and I love that adrenaline rush of getting things done. But what she didn’t know is that I also am also blighted by the Avoider Saboteur. Let me tell you a bit more.

You know those days when you’ve got lots to do. You may have written a list. You may even have a deadline approaching….but you fail to make any headway at all and get distracted by other things or, worse, grind to a halt completely and veg on the sofa scrolling on your phone. That has a name and it’s the Avoider Saboteur. What my mentor didn’t know was that I still had my mums bills to process, I still had that photobook to create, I still had my accounts to do, I still had to log my coaching hours back to 2020….and the list continues to get longer.

Maybe you’ve promised yourself you’ll get fit but don’t stick at something regularly, maybe you’ve committed to a gym membership which you’re not using, maybe you’ve said you’re going to lose weight this year but you’re struggling to stop snacking. I hear you. I think everyone has a touch of the Avoider Saboteur in them.

The Avoider Saboteur is the voice in your head that tends to focus on the positive and pleasant in an extreme way. They frequently avoid difficult and unpleasant tasks, including conflict. They usually downplay the importance of real problems and have difficulty saying no. They resist others through passive-aggressive means rather than directly. They tend to be anxious about what has been avoided or procrastinated and they have suppressed anger and resentment rather than expressed anger.

People with the Avoider Saboteur often have the following strengths: they seek peace and harmony, both within themselves and with others around them; they have an even-tempered easy going nature; they are flexible and adaptable; they tend have a generally positive outlook and are relatively non-judgemental of others.

One of my best friends has high Avoider Saboteur tendencies and she’s one of the busiest people I know. She runs a yard full of horses, often riding three a day, she teaches horse riding, has a flock of sheep, three dogs, a holiday cottage to maintain and two daughters to ferry around. So it’s not that she doesn’t get things done, but she struggles to get some important things done and she avoids conflict at all costs.

So what do you do if you recognise some of the Avoider Saboteur traits in your own life? The first step to start to declare war on the Avoider Saboteur is to notice when it appears. When you’ve spotted it, stop and ground yourself with focusing on one of your five senses and take some deeper breaths. Then ask yourself the following questions:

What am I afraid of?

What’s preventing me from getting started?

How can I show myself empathy whilst also taking action?

One book on this topic is called Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy, and it advises you to do the most difficult thing first (ie as difficult as eating a frog) and then all other things will be easier. Often just starting is the hardest thing!

One of my peer coaches, Celia, has high Avoider Saboteur tendencies and she says increasing her Positive Mental Fitness muscles has transformed how she operates both personally and professionally. She says “I now understand why I put things off. It’s usually when I’m afraid of getting something wrong or don’t think it’ll be good enough. When this happens, I now have much more compassion for myself and can redirect the energy I used to expend on getting cross with myself into action on the thing I’ve been procrastinating about.”

So if you think you have the Avoider Saboteur chomping at your heels, do the free online Saboteur Assessment and click here to find out more about your own Saboteurs (it takes about 5 mins.)

After Easter I’ll be facilitating the next 6 week online Bootcamp to build your Positive Mental Fitness muscles so you can quieten your Saboteurs and increase the time your mind serves you as opposed to sabotages you. Drop me an email to arrange a chat or find out more from my website here.

Xx Jackie

Other ways to work with me

The Mum Boardroom – monthly or bi-monthly group coaching sessions via Zoom (or face to face in Oxfordshire)

1:1 life coaching sessions – monthly 1 hour sessions via Zoom (or face to face in Oxfordshire) including regular check-ins, weekly theme and new Habit Tracking App (April launch)